Imagine My Embarrassment..

Dear Dad, 

I had tried to write a letter to you on your birthday, but I found it too hard to see through the tears.  It's a couple of weeks later, now, and I thought I would share some stories with you that I know you would appreciate.

When Audrey opened the special ZIGGY calendar that I got her for Christmas (it's a tradition to get her a ZIGGY wall calendar each year, something from her childhood that she likes, but it has gotten harder to find them over the years) she was a little surprised to notice that the cover picture for the new calendar was remarkably similar to the cover picture of the calendar from last year.  In fact, it was identical.  How strange, I thought, that the calendar people would make such a mistake.  Even weirder that they would make the unthinkable mistake of printing the wrong year on the cover, too.  Her new 2012 calendar had 2011 in big numbers on the lower left hand corner of the cover -- how bizarre!  Wait -- you mean that I bought a 2011 calendar for a Christmas present in December 2011 and paid extra to have it expressed shipped so that it would arrive on time?!

Audrey and I went to a performance of the Capitol Steps at the Broward County Performing Arts Center.  We had been looking forward to the show since Christmas, when she had given the tickets to me for a present.  We paid for parking and worked our way to the front door where an usher looked at our tickets and directed us to a particular entrance.  There, another usher scrutinized our tickets and showed us to yet another entrance.  At that point the usher read our tickets and removed the end-stub from them, motioning us toward a doorway.  More ushers, more ticket showing, more directions, right to our very seats R 111 & 112.  I joked to Audrey that they seemed a little over-attentive.  It was not long, however, before I was in a conversation with a lovely couple that were looking for seats R 110 & 111.  Simultaneously, Audrey was talking to a couple that were looking for seats R 112 & 113.  Weird, we thought.  I finally offered to let one of them sit in my lap for the performance when someone pointed out that the date on our tickets was different from theirs.....it was a Friday night, and our tickets were for Saturday.  Audrey and I, and 37 ushers, had all not noticed that we were there on the wrong night!!

Courtney and her roommates were excited about the prospect of taking a meditation class in their second semester at BYU.  They had been looking at classes together and pondering the scheduling possibilities for weeks.  Meditation excited them, because of the obvious possibility that they could simply sit and not do anything for the class.  It wasn't until actually reading the course description and curriculum that they came to realize that the class was not mediTation, but was mediation.  Funny how your mind can play tricks on you....

I follow routines to protect myself from myself.  As an example, every time I get out of my car my keys go into my right front pocket so that I am certain that I don't lock them inside, and if I need to leave the car running I always roll down my window.  So when I got gas I followed my routine: keys, wallet, swipe card, enter zip code, place nozzle, no smoking....  but then I deviated.  My truck was so dirty and I was not in a hurry, so I washed the windows.  In fact, I took extra long to wash the windows and made them pretty dang     clean.  But I had taken so long that by the time a turned my attention back to the pump, it had turned off.  It had not just clicked off, I had taken so long that it had completely turned off:  there was no topping-off, there was no receipt option, it was just dead.  So I replace the nozzle and went inside and got my receipt.  Reading the receipt I realized that I had purchased over 24 gallons of gas for my 21.2 gallon gas tank.  I instantly realized that the gas-station was ripping me off, as I had seen a 60 Minute expose' on just such dishonest gas stations (15 years ago).  I looked for the 800 # on the pump to call for consumer protection, and not seeing it took pictures of the specific identification plates on that pump.  Driving away angry, I fumed over my next steps -- write a letter, call the local news station.....  I got back into my truck after a short errand, and was floored when I looked at the gas gauge that showed empty!!!!  How could that be?  Did I manage to somehow pump the fuel into a different compartment??!!  I KNOW all that gas wasn't on the ground..........  and then I realized what you all already know -- I had never turned the pump on in the first place.  I had forgotten to select the grade of gasoline to be pumped and had gone straight to washing the windows.  Imagine my private embarrassment......

I called Tim and told him that I would be coming to Davenport around the weekend of Feb 19th, the one year anniversary of your funeral.  I was extra excited because I was going to be there in time for Sister's  birthday on the 17th.  No, her birthday is the 4th, he said.  No, it's the 17th, I said -- it's right here in my contact information about her.  "Hey Kathy, this is a dumb question, but is your birthday the 17th?" I asked her in a later phone call.  She responded with a good-natured, kind-hearted, ever-patient, maybe-I-should-be-offended-but-I'm-just-so-used-to-it chuckle "No, Feb 7th."  Imagine my embarrassment...........

So, Dad, I know that you CAN imagine my embarrassment in all these situations, and I can hear your kind and gentle laughter joining mine as a laugh at myself.   I can also hear you saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your daughter, my sister, Kathy.  

As for me, embarrassed or not, I wish for you, Kathy, a very happy birthday.  They made little girls right, 38 years ago, when you were born.  In you, my big sister, is the best of the best of us, as I am always reminded of the many virtues of Grandma Agnes when I am around you.  Or to paraphrase you, "I may be a mangy brother, but I loves ya!"

And by the way, thanks so much for teaching me how to be a baby when you were my 6 year old sister!  You're the best, Kath!  Happy Birthday!!!!!

Pretty or ugly? You decide...

 I spotted this "toad stool" on a fallen tree in Kathy's back yard during my visit this summer.  I was interested in the shape and the juxtaposition of the multiple nails.  I wondered to myself  "Is this a thing of beauty, or is it ugly?" 

I held the camera in my out-stretched hand and shot the three of us right in the face...wondering to myself if we would look good, bad, or ugly...it turned out that we did look good, bad, and ugly, but not necessarily in that order -- I'll let you decide which label goes on what face.

Did I Happen to Mention...

While visiting my family in Iowa this past August, I stumbled upon the antique shop of the American Pickers television show.  It turns out that there are no antiques for sale at the shop, only over-priced trinkets and souvenirs.  What a disappointment.  However, I found a real treasure in spending free time with my sister Kathy as we drove and talked about nothing in particular.  Not that she's an antique, but she sure is valuable.

Retro Where's Waldo

Though the image is of a time long past, I think I can correctly identify 5 of the 11 persons.  Can you find me in the crowd?  Can you name everyone, or even anyone, in the picture?  

The automobile is Dad's VW, of course. Uncle John is standing tallest, Linda and Kathy the only two girls, left and right.  Dave with tongue out, thumbs in ears, finger antlers, and Minnesota sweatshirt. I am sitting on hood, with the help of......a cousin?  Mark with cheesy smile behind Kathy?  Other four are also cousins?  

One For All, and All For One... or the Four Stooges?

It had been six years since the four of us siblings were all together. I really really enjoyed seeing Dave and Kath and Tim last week when I visited Dad and Ella in Iowa. We all laughed hard several times during out time together, telling stories, sharing memories, looking at old pictures, and celebrating Tim's birthday. Dad has some real photographic treasures, and he was kind enough to share them with us. I had never before seen the pictures of us as little children. My, how we have changed.

Oh, boy, did I love that little red bike. It was a girl's bike (Kathy rode it before me) and the tires were solid rubber, but I remember the first time riding it without assistance -- no training wheels and no adult running alongside -- and it was glorious.

I distinctly remember a time when my always tentative balance was jeopardized by a quick turn of the handlebars. In that very instant I felt an epic (for my young age) moment of decision. I could succumb to the inevitable and "bail out" to avoid the pain and embarrassment of a crash, or I could try something new. I remember standing and pedaling with all my might, all the while it seemed that I was leaning over at a 45 degree angle. I felt risky, committed, striving, focused, and consciously choosing to succeed rather than fail. To my amazement and delight I DID succeed, I DID stay upright. Some days I think back on that day and think it has never been better than that.

Complimenting Our Father...

My brother Tim paid the highest compliment to our father when he sent me this picture and asked, "Do you think you and Dad look alike?"

"Not actually," I thought to myself, "you just caught Dad on a day when he looked unusually handsome."

I just crack myself up! In reality I am proud to be like my father in anyway possible, but in almost every way feel that I fall short. I know that one thing we share in common, though, is an appreciation for the life we've been given. With all the highs and lows, victories and defeats, good times and bad, I'm grateful for every stinking little minute of my time above ground. I've often heard Dad express the very similar sentiment, in more eloquent fashion.

Well here's to you, Dad, for all the good modeling you've provided to me (and to all of us kids, if I can be so bold as to speak for the others), and for all the "above-ground" time we have shared together.