Dad's ventilator was removed this morning (they don't let me watch that) and it was nice to see his face without the tube partly obscuring it. We had nice long 'talks' (he writes on white paper on a clipboard that I hold for him and I verbalize what he is trying to say) before they removed the breathing tube. After that he was mostly too busy being fussed over by nurses and Drs as they paid very close attention to him. It was about 90 minutes later that it became very apparent that he was not going to be able to breathe without the ventilator. It is not that he couldn't inhale, but apparently he's not exhaling well enough because he got too much Co2 built up in his blood (75%). So they intubated him again. By that time his his heart was just pounding away at a steady >102 beats per minute. I could feel every pulse in his hand as I held it, and he was constantly squeezing mine (mimicking a heart beat). Even as he continued to squeeze my hand in rapid spurts, he also became more and more detached and distant, sliding away into a stupor. Hard to watch.
Later, after he was intubated and oxygenated again, he was back to 'full-functioning.' He had been discussing with the Dr the prospect of having a tracheotomy. He told me that she was very convincing, although she denied having pushed him in either direction. However, what I thought might be a fight turned out to be an easy decision -- Dad eagerly accepted the 'trache.' In fact, when given the choice of today or after some rest, he wrote "ASAP!"
So tonight he is resting much more comfortably, the O2 tube attached at his neck rather than to his mouth. Coming off of the sedative was a little scary as his heart acted kinda' naughty, but things quickly improved and he eventually seemed good-to-go. He even wrote the following sentence that brought relief to us all:
"I feel the finger of God in my mouth. Soothing." For those of us standing around him, sensing his pain, seeing his tormented face, and reading his dark thoughts, his declaration was a tender mercy.
Tonight I am sleeping in the hospital. I could drive to Davenport, but why waste time on the road. I could stay in a hotel, but they are boring and bleak. Tonight I am staying in the hospital with Dad for no other reason than because I can, and so why not.
4 comments:
Hey Steve,
I just caught up on your blog. Sorry to hear your dad has had a tough go. We're thinking of you and your family!
Thanks, Jamie, you're a sweetheart for commenting. Yeah, it's hard to see loved ones suffer. I guess it is all part of the circle.
oh wow! Steve I hope the best for your dad. I'm sure it is hard to standby and watch him in agony and pain. He's lucky to have you there by his side. Hopefully he will be back to functioning as usual soon and not so much discomfort. I wish him the best!
steve we are thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. i heard you are home safe from spending time with your dad and family, i hope your dad continues to improve. i am glad you could be with him during this difficult time. keep us posted on his recovery!! loves.
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